{"id":969,"date":"2020-07-28T23:26:25","date_gmt":"2020-07-28T21:26:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/?p=969"},"modified":"2020-07-28T23:26:30","modified_gmt":"2020-07-28T21:26:30","slug":"how-not-to-apologise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/2020\/07\/28\/how-not-to-apologise\/","title":{"rendered":"How NOT to apologise"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/etty-fidele-2axKVyMxZxE-unsplash-1170x730.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-996\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>We cannot manoeuvre through life without stepping on people\u2019s toes here and there. I am not running away from the fact that there are some things that we shouldn&#8217;t have to apologise for, this is for when an apology is<em> actually<\/em> in order. Here is what you <strong>should not<\/strong> say\/do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>&#8220;Sorry&#8221;<\/strong><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>In primary school I had a teacher who always made sure &#8220;our sentences were complete&#8221; People would say \u201cYes\u201d and she would chime<em> \u201cYes, who? Yes donkey? I won&#8217;t respond, it could be anyone you\u2019re talking to\u201d<\/em> we had to say &#8220;Yes <em>Mrs So-and-So<\/em>&#8221; When I hear \u201cSorry\u201d on its own with no \u201cI am\u201d before it and no words after it it does not register as a sincere apology. In my mind I go \u201cSorry who? Sorry where? Sorry donkey\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i.kym-cdn.com\/entries\/icons\/original\/000\/030\/938\/meme14.jpg\" alt=\"\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p> <em>\u201cSorry\u201d<\/em> is not a word that travels alone, it is incomplete without \u201c<em><strong>I am<\/strong><\/em> sorry <em>insert name\/insert crime.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>2. Buy your way out of an apology<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I know people who cannot say sorry and instead, shower the people they have offended with gifts, the elephant in the room is never addressed. <em>The room<\/em> instead gets filled with flowers, lunch dates, a new pair of shoes or a pie from Orientals. I know a lot of Africans (parents) do this, they don\u2019t apologise, some just substitute an apology with material things. I will eat the pie and I wouldn&#8217;t mind an apology shopping spree, but a spoken apology and acknowledgement of guilt would be nice too. <\/p>\n\n\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/giphy.com\/embed\/S3hvo6SGgA6bcXfrob\" width=\"480\" height=\"480\" frameborder=\"0\" class=\"giphy-embed\" allowfullscreen=\"\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/giphy.com\/gifs\/target-S3hvo6SGgA6bcXfrob\">via GIPHY<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>3. I\u2019m sorry <em>you <\/em>took it that way\/I\u2019m sorry <em>you<\/em> got offended\/I\u2019m sorry <em>you<\/em> feel that way<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:post-content --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>No. Just throw the whole apology away. <\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/giphy.com\/embed\/l4FGsIcV69Zc6heUw\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\" frameborder=\"0\" class=\"giphy-embed\" allowfullscreen=\"\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/giphy.com\/gifs\/jayversace-jay-versace-l4FGsIcV69Zc6heUw\">via GIPHY<\/a><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>This sounds like arrogance and an attempt to flee from the blame and cast it on the person whom you have wronged. You\u2019re implying that you made no mistake and that the other person is at fault because they have feelings. An apology is about you (I) the aggressor acknowledging that something went wrong and you are taking responsibility. Instead of \u201cI\u2019m sorry you ___\u201d how about \u201cI\u2019m sorry I did ___\u201d<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><strong>4. I\u2019m sorry, but\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>Whoa. I don\u2019t know about you but the word \u201cbut\u201d in an apology riles me up. Some may justify the \u201cbut\u201d by saying \u201cI am sorry, <em>but<\/em> I was just trying to help\u201d The thing is <\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:quote --><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\">\n<p><em>\u201cOvertime we commit actions with intentions either good or bad which require forgiveness\u201d<\/em> <\/p>\n<p><cite>Emily Thorne<\/cite><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><!-- \/wp:quote --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>That means even if the intention was good, if the execution was poor and things ended in tears you may need to apologise. <\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>The last thing I would like to say is that the most sincere apology is a CHANGE IN BEHAVIOUR, especially in long-term interactions like a family bond, friendship or a relationship. You could adhere to these guidelines when giving an apology but if you keep apologising for the same thing it ceases to appear genuine or heartfelt. If you&#8217;re always late, or always losing your cool and you keep apologising without showing signs of improvement then it becomes meaningless.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We cannot manoeuvre through life without stepping on people\u2019s toes here and there. I am not running away from the fact that there are some&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[204,208,209,210],"class_list":{"0":"post-969","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-uncategorized","7":"tag-how-to-apologise","8":"tag-how-to-apologise-sincerely","9":"tag-how-to-say-sorry","10":"tag-how-to-say-sorry-properly"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/969","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=969"}],"version-history":[{"count":28,"href":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/969\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1000,"href":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/969\/revisions\/1000"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=969"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=969"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zoezulu.co.zw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=969"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}