When You Have to ‘Go It Alone’
2020 was a tough year to say the least, we were all hit one way or another.
During the onset of the pandemic I felt all alone in the presence of my family and friends. It’s wild because due to the lockdown I was always surrounded by people – my family was at home majority of the time and secondly with online learning, my schoolmates were one call away. It was not the absence of people, but the absence of understanding that made me feel alone. I had just gotten born again and I had a truckload of questions and fears – the average listener thought I was irrational, they weren’t able to feel what I felt.
That was my first experience of being “alone”, people were sincere and eager to help but nothing would do. It is comforting “knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world” 1 Pet. 5:9 it is another thing when you are surrounded by people who can’t relate to your situation.
I was a drowning man clutching at straws, I’d talk to anyone trying to find comfort or solace, I found none. I got angry at the people and then I got angry at God. I then saw a thread on Twitter I’ll title “Garden of Gethsemane” moments – moments where we have to go it alone.
Jesus vented to Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me” (Matthew 26:38) and in verse 40 He found them sleeping, “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour?”
At this time you are sleeping, no, it is not possible!
The disciples? I like to think they loved Jesus, they were sincere, but they just didn’t understand what was going on and they would never be able to relate: Jesus was going to drink from the cup of Gods wrath, He was going to bear the brunt for all of our sins while He had no sin of His own to atone for! So their casualness and lack of urgency is somewhat justified.
We will never be isolated for such great cause, Jesus has died once for all, but the principle remains the same: we will go through seasons where despite trying to reach out and get support, we will find none.
Community and fellowship are so important
Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls
For he has no one to help him upEcclesiastes 4:9-10
However, there are times where though you get help carrying your cross – the same way Simon of Cyrene helped Jesus – you’ll be up there on it alone.
This information has made me cut people some slack. Sometimes people make lofty promises, some gaslight me and invalidate my feelings – the disappointments take many forms, but when I am “alone” I get taught to rely on the “God of all comfort” more (2 Cor. 1:3-4)
I can see why Jesus said it would be to our benefit that He goes, so that the Holy Spirit would come and guide us in all truth. He is available 24/7. Jesus, 100% human, 100% God – would get tired and would isolate Himself, what more us ordinary humans? We can rely on each other only to a certain extent.
Another point of view
I recall Judges 7:2 when God told Gideon that there were too many people in the army for God to give Israel the victory over the Midianites because Israel would have leeway to take all the credit for themselves. Sometimes the rug gets pulled from beneath our feet so we can really see the hand of God. God deserves all glory, Psalm 124:1 – “If it had not been the Lord who was on our side…”
Give us help from trouble,
For the help of man is useless
Through God we will do valiantly
For it is He who shall tread down our enemiesPsalm 60:11-12