Who is Te Fitti?

In the Disney animated film, Moana, Te Fitti is believed to have created life and the power lies in her heart. Maui steals her heart and the island begins to degenerate. When Te Fitti is without her heart, life cannot be sustained. Te Kā is a lava monster who we discover is the heartless version of Te Fitti. She went from this

to this

You may ask, how then do people behave like Te Fitti from Moana? Firstly, let us imagine a scenario whereby you feel wronged. It could be a relationship ending, someone passing a rude comment, stealing your heart- in Te Fitti’s case.

I have observed that people behave in two main ways

1.You think you need an apology in order to gain closure.

In order for balance to be restored, Te Fitti’s heart had to be returned. You ma’am/sir are waiting for an apology because you think that is what you need in order to heal. NOT THE CASE AT ALL. The inner work of healing is not dependent on anyone except you.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with the next person

If forgiveness was up to the people who wronged us apologising to us we would be in such a pickle. How about the person who stole your watch or purse? That person 9 times out of 10 will NEVER come back to apologise meaning you would NEVER be able to forgive them. Genuine apologies and explanations are great but you can make do and move on without them. As you read up on the events that led up to Jesus’ crucifixion

literally no one, not a single soul who jeered at him apologised yet:

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

Luke 23:34

2. They think the aggressors’ life will fall apart just because they are not in it anymore

When Te Fitti’s heart was stolen everything on the island began to shrivel up and die. You sir/ma’am think that because so-and-so did A-B-C to you, they will fail at life. It is that classic story we are shown in Whatsapp chain messages, Hollywood and Nollywood movies. The woman whose ex-boyfriend cheated on her is a CEO while he sells bootleg CDs near the traffic lights.

I don’t blame y’all, even the music is embedded with this idealogy.

I bet you regret the day you left,
‘Cause I’m doing fine and your a mess,
Well let me ask you how do you like me now?

Alexis Jordan, How You Like Me Now?

“Thinking you could live without me, live without me…” Yes Halsey, they can, you are not Te Fitti.


In conclusion, we must wake up and smell the coffee, we have more power than we think. It may be tough but you can live without that apology. Lastly, people’s progress does not really depend on your presence in their lives. Do not flatter yourself.